The Whistler Life

It's been one of the most surreal experiences moving to a new country that I've never been to before, not knowing anyone or anything and starting a new job that I had no idea if I could even do. 
Four months down the line and life is...

Magical. Beautiful. Heartbreaking. Difficult. Lonely. Amazing. Exciting. Confusing. 

I've been through a lot in Whistler, that's for sure. I've learned how to ride a quad bike over some sketchy trails. And become a guide on one. Looked in to a new career path and actually taken steps towards it. I've dealt with some serious incidents and scary moments. I've lived in a van for four months. I've spent days at the lake laying in the sun. I've studied for exams. I've hiked some mountains. I've become a team lead. I've worked three jobs at once. I've made new friends. I've had friends leave. I've been heartbroken. I've gotten homesick. I've dealt with my own mind fighting me. I've been happy and sad and all the emotions all at once. I also turned thirty! A whole new decade to explore.

One insane thing about moving here is how I just expected to keep on moving forward with life. To be able to survive this move without any struggles. That is most definitely not the reality. Yes this summer has been one of the most amazing of my life! But it has been the hardest summer of my life at the exact same time. Moving to a brand new country I've never been to, knowing no one here - for all my travels that's the first time that has happened. I've lived in other countries, I've travelled and moved, but I've always either been to that country before or had someone in that country with me that I knew. Which made it that little bit more familiar and comforting. Don't get me wrong, I've made friends, I know I've got people that are there for me and I can rely on if I need something. But having only known most of them for a couple of months and they have friends from years of being here, it does feel a little lonely at times. Add to that all of the crap that I've been through this summer, and now that I've quit one job, shoulder season is coming and I've moved in to a house making my life a little less chaotic than the van life - my brain's catching up. 

I was recently told that I need to cut myself some slack. That may be true, but it's easier said than done for the person who never feels like what she does is enough. My ambition in life is also my detriment. I never feel like what I do is enough, so I work hard to become enough. Whether it's in a relationship, promotions or new skills at work, studying, trying new hobbies, I'm always trying to find something to achieve or make life more. But what I need to do is just stop. Realise I need to do something because it's what I actually wanted, and not because I'm trying to prove something to myself or anyone else. 

That I don't need to go on a hike every day just because I have them on my door step. That I don't have to know the entire textbook off by heart before I start a new course. I won't be the best at a hobby I've literally tried once or twice. I can take time off to do nothing, because otherwise I won't be able to function from exhaustion and get burnt out. Which is what I do on a weekly basis. 

My current goal is sorting out my mental health and realising that it's ok to be different and at a different place in my life to literally everyone else. That not every day will be a win, but that not every day will be a struggle either. Tell myself every morning that today is going to be a good day and manifest it.  The reality of moving to a new country has hit me hard now that I've had time to stop and think. Think about everything I've been through this year, since January when I decided to apply for my visa, to now sitting in a house in Pemberton, just living life. I think my life decisions have slightly overwhelmed me. I don't regret it but I stop and think - fuck. 

At the same time though, I've lived more here in four months than I did in four years in New Zealand. I've had experiences that I could have never dreamed of and made friends that I will keep forever. The scenery is insane, I finally got summer (thanks New Zealand for the wettest summer ever last year), the people I've met have become a new family. The calm from not living in a big city, but having that city only be a few hours drive away. Planning another dream holiday with my brother and his girlfriend, and realising that even though I only planned to stay here for one season, I'm not quite ready to let this place go. Despite the struggle, I've never felt more certain that I made the right choice.