ARE YOU HAPPY OR COMFORTABLE?

This is a post that I deliberated over writing for a long time. I don't mind sharing my own experiences when it comes to writing about other people as well, that can be delicate. If someone had given me this advice last year though, I would have appreciated it so much. With that being said here are some words of wisdom for someone else to take.

Heartbreak, up until six months ago, was something I had only ever read about or seen in films. It wasn't a real thing that I thought was going to happen to me anytime soon; that fantasy came crashing down. I can't say that I'm sorry for going through it though because I'm a stronger person coming out the other side alone. 

Six months ago I made the decision to end a five year long relationship - the only relationship I'd ever been in that lasted more than a couple of months. Looking back I do believe that it should have ended earlier, but it almost felt like I didn't want to end something that had been going on for so long. What if I was wrong and I was happy after all? What if this was what all relationships ended up like and I should stop questioning everything? I didn't want to take the chance and be more miserable alone or spend a lot of time feeling guilty. I almost felt like I would be judged for having no solid reason for ending my relationship but looking back now - I didn't need one.
I don't think things break down the way that you expect them too, the way you see them break down in films. No one has to do anything major to hurt the other person or to make them question everything. Sometimes you just wake up one day and realise that this isn't what you want from your life and that's ok. It's ok for you to change your mind about how you feel, because people grow up and grow apart. You end up wanting different things from life or you are interested in different lifestyles and that's all ok. The one thing that is not ok is dragging something on because you're afraid. Whether you're afraid of being alone, of hurting someone's feelings or for being judged - if you're not happy, you need to make a change.

My major turning point was on a holiday in Rome, three weeks before things ended. I realised that I  didn't want to go home again but it wasn't a simple case of holiday blues. I didn't feel at home in my flat anymore because in my heart, I knew things weren't right.
You can absolutely try and make things work for as long as possible. I remember thinking to myself that all we needed was a holiday, all we needed was this night away or all we needed was to have an all night talk the way we did when we first started seeing each other. But when nothing changed, it was time for me to make the change.



Without sounding like a heartless bitch, I didn't find it too difficult being alone the first month. I enjoyed my freedom, going home and knowing there wasn't this awkward silence that you wanted to some how fill but couldn't. It wasn't until I got used to this that I suddenly realised I was really alone now. Six months down the line though and I am happy that I made this choice. We wanted different things; a home boy and a girl with wanderlust were never going to work out.

I guess the main point that I'm trying to make here is that your happiness comes first. Whether you're afraid of taking that risk for your dream job, whether you're looking out your window dreaming of that road trip across Europe or wondering whether that guy you've been with forever is really the one, listen to your heart. Don't stress about your friends and family's reaction, don't worry about feeling guilty or feeling judged for what makes you happy and never settle. If you know your choice will make you happy, no matter the struggles of the journey, then it's so worth it. Life is for living and you can't do that miserable.