After my small laptop breaking just before leaving Queensland and then getting settled in to a life in New Zealand, I haven't had the inclination to write in a while. I was happy just to be living my life and going through the phases without necessarily writing (and I hate my parents laptops for writing on...sorry!) Now that I'm back with my own brand new laptop (a birthday present from me to me), I can start writing again. I have missed it because it's always been my creative outlet when I don't have time or money for other things. I love going from one idea and it evolving, writing it all out and editing. What can I say, I've been sprouting bullshit since English class in Primary One.
A lot has happened since I left Queensland. It's a been a year of ups and downs, but I think those downs are finally letting me see what my life is all about. After leaving Queensland, I headed for New Zealand to spend time with my parents and make some money. Hostels may be cheap but unemployment takes its toll on you eventually. It was great being able to spend time with my parents since I've hardly seen my dad in the last seven years. Originally I had planned to stay with my brother there for one month...then two....then it was five. Driving on family vacations down to Wellington, meeting and hanging out with everyone in Brew (the beer bar where I worked) and enjoying the sunshine and lakes for the summer though, how could you leave all of that behind after just a few months.
On the flip side though, I spent many unhappy days in New Zealand and to this day I couldn't tell you why. I remember sitting in the house myself instead of going to see the new Mary Poppins movie (which is unheard of! I'm the ultimate Disney fan). I decided against going to the Art Deco festival in Napier with the rest of my family and stayed in Rotorua myself. I couldn't help but feel this sadness that I'm not sure I've ever felt before so deeply. I'm not sure if it was because I didn't feel like I belonged in Rotorua or if I was just struggling with not knowing where my life was heading. I truly don't have a clue where that sadness came from because for me to turn down doing such amazing things with my family, is completely out of my nature. I do wonder if it was a mixture of being with my parents for the first time in so long so feeling out of place, being in another new place so feeling slightly homesick and just knowing that once I left New Zealand my year abroad was almost up. Thankfully, those dark days are behind me and I haven't felt so hopeless since - I'm even going to be going to the Art Deco Festival in Napier next year with my mum.
After the adventure that was New Zealand, I headed back to Australia for the winter. First stop was a week in Sydney which was pretty cool. Naturally ended up out at Bondi Beach because how could you not? Then the Sky Tower and wandering around the Harbour Bridge and Opera House. Sydney is very scenic but I'm not sure it's my kind of city for longer term.
After Sydney was a short trip to Tasmania. I would have loved to road trip Tasmania and see more of it, but unfortunately the budget and time I had left wouldn't allow for such fun. Instead five days spent wandering the area of Hobart was enough for this trip. I think my favourite views from all of the year I spent travelling were from Tasmania. Everywhere you go around Hobart, you can see Mount Wellington, so naturally if you climb up, the views are phenomenal. Lucky for you, I went up so you don't have to just imagine what those views were like.
After Tasmania was a month in Melbourne. My brother and I spent two weeks exploring Melbourne on our own, before our parents came over for a holiday for two weeks as well. I would love to see Melbourne during the summer time and see the difference in the city because it was the best place to wander and discover. Over all, I think Melbourne was my favourite city in Australia. The shopping centres were massive and you could get lost walking around them all day. There were so many places to go and eat in that it was never difficult to choose something every day, especially if you were to go to the Queen Victoria Markets. Of course having free trams made life easy to get around and not to mention that my favourite vegan fast food chain was on every corner.
Of course if you're in Melbourne then you need to head out to St Kilda and Brighton. The penguins at the pier was one of the greatest things to be able to go and do.
After all the excitement of New Zealand and Australia, the only thing left to do was fly home. With a quick few day stop over in London to be able to catch some shows and take my brother to the Warner Bros studios for the first time (my third trip there....there's always something new to see!), we headed back to Edinburgh to settle back in to normality.
I've been back in Edinburgh for roughly two months now. The first night I was back, I went for a walk and started crying. Tears of joy being back in my favourite city, no longer being the traveller and being in a place that I knew and felt like home. I found myself a flat, I found a job and started seeing old friends and family again. Within those two months though, something changed inside of me. Those happy tears no longer exist and I don't feel like I'm home. For anyone who has previously read my post about taking Scotland for granted, you'll know that I said Scotland was my home and I did miss it. But I've somehow now got the feeling that I'm an outsider. It's taken probably the last month for me to understand whats going on inside my head; after speaking to multiple people about it all, I think the reason for feeling like an outsider is because I don't want to be at home. Whilst travelling you have everything laid out in front of you as an empty canvas, with multiple opportunities and the chance to go and do anything you please. Being sat in the one city that you've already explored for the past eight years of your life, there's limitations on your canvas that don't allow you to paint the full picture you maybe want to. Which is why Edinburgh is a huge part of my past and may indeed be a part of my future, but sadly I don't believe Edinburgh is my present.
Reading my friend Story's post (her blog is awesome, you should check it out - https://storystrathman.com/.) she said something that made it all click for me. Having also left her home to go travelling around New Zealand, she wrote "If I’m really honest, I don’t miss it. I just miss pieces of it".
After being back in Edinburgh I think that there are definitely so many things about being here that I did miss and I love having back again. But now that I have them back, I don't think I really want them when there's still so many adventures out in the world to be had. At the end of the day, I'm too filled with wanderlust to be able to sit and play nice in one place. Yesterday my mum's friend said to her 'If you and Vince haven't settled in one place yet, what hope does she have?'. Truer words have never been spoken. As a child I moved a lot. I ended up in five different schools in the space of just three years. Naturally as a child I didn't really have a choice as I was just going along with my parents, but now that I get to choose where and when to get up and go, that's exactly what I've done. The only reason it took me this long is because I was chained here by my ex. Thankfully I wised up to that one and started the travelling adventures.
I guess at the end of the day, what I'm trying to say is that although I love you Edinburgh - you're not currently for me. It's not you, it's me. I've changed and this just isn't working out.
New Zealand
A lot has happened since I left Queensland. It's a been a year of ups and downs, but I think those downs are finally letting me see what my life is all about. After leaving Queensland, I headed for New Zealand to spend time with my parents and make some money. Hostels may be cheap but unemployment takes its toll on you eventually. It was great being able to spend time with my parents since I've hardly seen my dad in the last seven years. Originally I had planned to stay with my brother there for one month...then two....then it was five. Driving on family vacations down to Wellington, meeting and hanging out with everyone in Brew (the beer bar where I worked) and enjoying the sunshine and lakes for the summer though, how could you leave all of that behind after just a few months.
On the flip side though, I spent many unhappy days in New Zealand and to this day I couldn't tell you why. I remember sitting in the house myself instead of going to see the new Mary Poppins movie (which is unheard of! I'm the ultimate Disney fan). I decided against going to the Art Deco festival in Napier with the rest of my family and stayed in Rotorua myself. I couldn't help but feel this sadness that I'm not sure I've ever felt before so deeply. I'm not sure if it was because I didn't feel like I belonged in Rotorua or if I was just struggling with not knowing where my life was heading. I truly don't have a clue where that sadness came from because for me to turn down doing such amazing things with my family, is completely out of my nature. I do wonder if it was a mixture of being with my parents for the first time in so long so feeling out of place, being in another new place so feeling slightly homesick and just knowing that once I left New Zealand my year abroad was almost up. Thankfully, those dark days are behind me and I haven't felt so hopeless since - I'm even going to be going to the Art Deco Festival in Napier next year with my mum.
Australia - Part Two
After the adventure that was New Zealand, I headed back to Australia for the winter. First stop was a week in Sydney which was pretty cool. Naturally ended up out at Bondi Beach because how could you not? Then the Sky Tower and wandering around the Harbour Bridge and Opera House. Sydney is very scenic but I'm not sure it's my kind of city for longer term.
After Sydney was a short trip to Tasmania. I would have loved to road trip Tasmania and see more of it, but unfortunately the budget and time I had left wouldn't allow for such fun. Instead five days spent wandering the area of Hobart was enough for this trip. I think my favourite views from all of the year I spent travelling were from Tasmania. Everywhere you go around Hobart, you can see Mount Wellington, so naturally if you climb up, the views are phenomenal. Lucky for you, I went up so you don't have to just imagine what those views were like.
After Tasmania was a month in Melbourne. My brother and I spent two weeks exploring Melbourne on our own, before our parents came over for a holiday for two weeks as well. I would love to see Melbourne during the summer time and see the difference in the city because it was the best place to wander and discover. Over all, I think Melbourne was my favourite city in Australia. The shopping centres were massive and you could get lost walking around them all day. There were so many places to go and eat in that it was never difficult to choose something every day, especially if you were to go to the Queen Victoria Markets. Of course having free trams made life easy to get around and not to mention that my favourite vegan fast food chain was on every corner.
Of course if you're in Melbourne then you need to head out to St Kilda and Brighton. The penguins at the pier was one of the greatest things to be able to go and do.
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| Brighton |
I have some great memories of that pier but also horrific ones. My brother and I stayed in a hostel out at St Kilda for a few nights so we could explore a bit more without getting the tram in and out the city each time. I came down with the most horrific case of the flu I think I've ever had, but didn't realise I was sick when I went to the pier. With the wind blowing at me from every direction and no cover, I got chills right through me that didn't go away for three hours, even after a scalding shower. Safe to say the next day we skipped Brighton and spent the entire day lounging around in the hostel. Thankfully we knew we would be going to Brighton when the parents came so we still got to go anyway. Of course the other thing to do if you're around Melbourne is the Great Ocean Road...so I went down the Great Ocean Road on a little family road trip. Even got up to watch the sunrise over the Twelve Apostles. Only went with my dad because there was no chance even a once in an life time sunrise could get my brother out his bed.
Back to Edinburgh
After all the excitement of New Zealand and Australia, the only thing left to do was fly home. With a quick few day stop over in London to be able to catch some shows and take my brother to the Warner Bros studios for the first time (my third trip there....there's always something new to see!), we headed back to Edinburgh to settle back in to normality.
I've been back in Edinburgh for roughly two months now. The first night I was back, I went for a walk and started crying. Tears of joy being back in my favourite city, no longer being the traveller and being in a place that I knew and felt like home. I found myself a flat, I found a job and started seeing old friends and family again. Within those two months though, something changed inside of me. Those happy tears no longer exist and I don't feel like I'm home. For anyone who has previously read my post about taking Scotland for granted, you'll know that I said Scotland was my home and I did miss it. But I've somehow now got the feeling that I'm an outsider. It's taken probably the last month for me to understand whats going on inside my head; after speaking to multiple people about it all, I think the reason for feeling like an outsider is because I don't want to be at home. Whilst travelling you have everything laid out in front of you as an empty canvas, with multiple opportunities and the chance to go and do anything you please. Being sat in the one city that you've already explored for the past eight years of your life, there's limitations on your canvas that don't allow you to paint the full picture you maybe want to. Which is why Edinburgh is a huge part of my past and may indeed be a part of my future, but sadly I don't believe Edinburgh is my present.
Reading my friend Story's post (her blog is awesome, you should check it out - https://storystrathman.com/.) she said something that made it all click for me. Having also left her home to go travelling around New Zealand, she wrote "If I’m really honest, I don’t miss it. I just miss pieces of it".
After being back in Edinburgh I think that there are definitely so many things about being here that I did miss and I love having back again. But now that I have them back, I don't think I really want them when there's still so many adventures out in the world to be had. At the end of the day, I'm too filled with wanderlust to be able to sit and play nice in one place. Yesterday my mum's friend said to her 'If you and Vince haven't settled in one place yet, what hope does she have?'. Truer words have never been spoken. As a child I moved a lot. I ended up in five different schools in the space of just three years. Naturally as a child I didn't really have a choice as I was just going along with my parents, but now that I get to choose where and when to get up and go, that's exactly what I've done. The only reason it took me this long is because I was chained here by my ex. Thankfully I wised up to that one and started the travelling adventures.
I guess at the end of the day, what I'm trying to say is that although I love you Edinburgh - you're not currently for me. It's not you, it's me. I've changed and this just isn't working out.
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